Radical Ownership. What We Learned About Love, Sex, Jealousy & Agreements
- Neal Burks
- Jun 29
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 3
Listen to the podcast or check out the summary below...
The 2-minute Overview: Lessons Learned from Jerry & Jordan
The 15-minute Recap: What happened at the Salon
On Saturday, June 27th 2026, Fertile Ground Salon gathered in Arlington for the third installment of our Relating & Dating Series: Open? Closed? It’s Complicated: Love, Sex, Jealousy & Agreements.
The room was full of laughter, honesty, good food, good music, and the kind of real conversation Fertile Ground was created to hold.
Featuring Jordan Costen and Jerry St. Louis of The Queer and Kinky Couch (@thequeerandkinkycouch), the salon invited Black gay and same-gender-loving (SGL) men to talk openly about open relationships, closed relationships, situationships, friends with benefits, jealousy, sexual curiosity, boundaries, and the agreements that shape modern intimacy.
But the deeper question of the evening was simple:
What are we actually agreeing to — and what are we avoiding saying out loud?
Clarity Is Care
One of the strongest themes of the evening was the need for honesty and clarity.
Whether a relationship is open, closed, casual, committed, or still undefined, communication matters. Too often, people assume they are on the same page when nobody has actually had the conversation.
Jordan and Jerry helped us explore what it means to name what we want, revisit agreements when things change, and take responsibility for how our choices affect other people.
Jealousy Has Something to Say
The conversation also challenged us to think differently about jealousy. Jealousy may not always be the enemy. It could point to fear, insecurity, unmet needs, or a broken agreement. The issue is not whether jealousy shows up. The issue is how we handle it when it does.
Do we talk about it? Hide it? Weaponize it? Pretend we are above it? That question hit home.
Say What It Is
The room also got honest about situationships, friends with benefits, and the space between “we’re together” and “we’re just kicking it.” These arrangements can work when people are clear, honest, and respectful. But when one person wants more, when expectations are hidden, or when silence replaces agreement, things get complicated fast.
The message was not judgment. The message was: say what it is.
Sexual Health Is Part of the Conversation
Because the salon was connected to National HIV Testing Day, we were grateful to partner with Heart to Hand, which provided onsite HIV testing.
Knowing your status is not separate from conversations about love, sex, intimacy, and trust. It is part of the same commitment to honesty, care, and community responsibility.
With Gratitude
Thank you to Jordan Costen and Jerry St. Louis for bringing insight, humor, candor, and care to the room. Thank you to Ken Pettigrew & Heart to Hand, Of Colors Healing, Affirmative Therapy of Northern Virginia. who graciously co-sponsored the event. Special thanks to our Fertile Ground volunteers, DJ Deepsoul, and attendees of our brother discussion groups, Talk-O-Tuesday / Fellow USA and the Andrew Harris monthly discussion group, who showed up ready to listen, laugh, share, and think more deeply.
This was Fertile Ground at its best: good bites, grown vibes, honest questions, and collaborative community strong enough to hold the truth.
As the Relating & Dating Series continues, we leave with three questions:
What do I want?
What have I agreed to?
What have I been avoiding saying out loud?
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